


your worth isn’t found in what they think of you

by committed_quartz



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Buck Being a Supportive Dad, Buck is a Good Dad, Caring Eddie Diaz, Christopher Diaz Has Two Dads, Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Eddie Diaz Loves Evan "Buck" Buckley, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Protective Evan "Buck" Buckley, Worried Eddie Diaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:40:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23800204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/committed_quartz/pseuds/committed_quartz
Summary: ‘the first thing buck notices is how christopher walks straight past him to the couch without his usual hug and ‘“hey buck!”’or the one where buck and christopher spend the day together but buck soon realises that something’s wrong
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 615





	your worth isn’t found in what they think of you

**Author's Note:**

> hi there!
> 
> so, this is the first fic i’ve ever written and i’m learning as i go! that being said, i’ve come to realise that endings are not my thing so i wanna apologise for that!
> 
> please head the tags and if you think there are any that haven’t been used but should be there, please don’t hesitate to let me know!
> 
> you can find me on tumblr at [committedquartz](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/committedquartz)
> 
> title is from pull you down by the willis clan

Ever since their talk after the tsunami, Buck has been watching Christopher for Eddie whenever he can. He’s gotten to know and care for the boy more than he already did, which he didn’t think was possible. He finds himself looking forward to their days together, whether it be a day trip or a more relaxed stay-at-home day.

Today is going to be the latter.

In preparation, Buck went to the store a few days ago and made sure to buy Chris’ favorite movies: Finding Nemo, Monsters Inc and Moana. He also dropped one of his own favourites, Tangled, into the basket before going to the checkout. 

Although Buck is trying to make healthier choices when it comes to snacking, he always keeps his and Christopher’s ‘Secret Snack Space’ stocked up with all kinds of goodies for when the boy comes to visit. It’s currently full of a variation of snacks including popcorn, doughnuts and a large tub of sugary candy, which he doesn’t ever bring out until Eddie is gone for the day.

He knows the look he’d receive from the man if he knew he was feeding his son that amount of sugar and also knows he won’t ever be able to say no to Christopher when he asks for more.

Eddie and Christopher arrive an hour before Eddie’s shift starts and the first thing Buck notices is how Christopher walks straight past him to the couch without his usual hug and ‘“hey Buck!”

He turns back to where Eddie is still standing in the doorway and with his eyebrow raised, asks “Is he okay?” in a hushed tone, not wanting Christopher to hear him.

Eddie shrugs, also walking past Buck to place Chris’ rucksack onto the kitchen island. “I don’t know” he admits, “he won’t talk to me about what’s bothering him and I don’t wanna push him.” Buck understands that completely, he may not have children of his own but he knows enough to know not to push them if they don’t want to talk. 

Eddie makes his way over to where Christopher is sitting on the couch and Buck smiles as he pulls him into a hug. Christopher pulls back quicker than usual and Buck’s smile falls as he sees the look that crosses Eddie’s face. Buck hasn’t witnessed anything that even remotely looks like that on Eddie’s face around Christopher before and he doesn’t like the ache it presents in his chest. He also doesn’t like the smile he forces onto his face when he says goodbye to them both and leaves through the front door. 

Not sure what to do, Buck awkwardly hovers near the bottom of his stairs before grabbing the popcorn and tub of candy from his kitchen cupboard and taking them over to Christopher. When Buck doesn’t get a smile and only receives a half shrug as he shows Chris the movies he got, he tries not to ask what’s wrong.

Or pout.

After getting another shrug when he asks Christopher which one he wants to see first, Buck decides to go with Moana.

They get about halfway through the movie with Buck eating most of the candy, before Christopher turns his body to Buck’s, saying his name quietly.

Buck reaches onto the coffee table to press the pause button on the remote before also turning his body towards Chris with a “yea, buddy?”

He sees the hesitation on his face and the tears pooling behind his glasses and the realisation that something is very wrong knocks the wind out of Buck. 

“Hey! It’s okay, bud! What’s goin’ on?”

Christopher meets Buck’s eyes and lets out a shuddering breath before mumbling a quiet “some boys at school are mean to me.” 

Buck knows he shouldn’t feel the amount of anger that starts to course through his entire being, about a bunch of nine year olds but he can’t help it. The urge to phone Christopher’s school and demand a meeting with their parents is so strong that Buck has to focus on the look on Christopher’s face to stop himself. 

He looks so scared about what Buck’s going to say that Buck forces himself to school his face into what he hopes is a reassuring expression.

“Mean how? Do you want to tell me some more about it?” As soon as the words leave his mouth Christopher nods, his voice trembling as he forces his words out.

“Yeah! They kept calling me nasty names ‘cus I wanted t-to play with the dolls that the girls had and not the action man!” 

Buck's knee-jerk response to that is to cry but instead he reaches forward, pulling Christopher into a hug, letting the boy cry into his chest. The anger Buck felt from earlier makes way for a stronger feeling of sadness. 

Buck can feel the pain radiating from the boy and he doesn’t just empathise with him, he knows it, remembers it.

He remembers being sat with Maddie in her room, whilst his parents were out at another fancy dinner. Her room was always so much more colorful than his. She had light hardwood flooring, cartoon rainbows dotted around the baby pink walls and covering her bed sheets too. It was a much more exciting place for a young child than his dark blue walls and plain, blue bed sheets. 

Maddie’s toys were more exciting too.

Buck loved the pretty clothes they wore and the accessories they came with. His action figures were dull and boring in comparison so he preferred to play with hers. 

That day was no different. Buck had wandered into Maddie’s room as their nanny prepared them dinner, making his way to sit on her cloud shaped rug. Maddie looked over from where she was writing at her desk and smiled, giving him the go ahead to open up her large, wooden dollhouse. 

Buck remembers the story he made up, how the two princesses were in love and running away from a scary alien dragon. Maddie had laughed between helping him with the dragon noises as he ran around the room, arms outstretched and a doll in each hand. 

He was shouting so loudly that neither of them had heard their parents return home and his father walk up the stairs until it was too late.

Mr Buckley snatched the dolls from Buck and threw them onto the ground before grabbing him by the hand and dragging him down the stairs and into his office. 

Buck didn’t understand why he was being told off for playing with dolls.

He didn’t know the meaning of the horrible names his father was calling him until he was much older and hearing them daily in the school locker rooms. 

After that incident, his father had made sure that Buck was part of the football team almost as soon as he joined high school.

He made sure that Buck was never allowed to join the theatre or art club, like he wanted to. 

He made sure that Buck was an all-american boy, never stepping a toe outside of that box.

No matter how cheesy it seems, Buck doesn’t want that lack of self-expression for Christopher. He wants him to be able to be or do whatever he wants in life and he knows he wants to always be there to support whatever that may be.

With that sentiment in mind Buck pulls back from their hug just enough so Chris can see him when he whispers, “how about we go to the mall?”

The small grin that Christopher gives him is the first positive emotion Buck has seen from him since he arrived and he never wants it to leave.

They both bundle into Buck’s car, singing along loudly to the Disney soundtrack that Buck ‘forgot’ to take out since their last road trip together (and definitely doesn’t sing along to when he’s on his own.)

When they arrive at the mall, the first stop is the food court to eat something that isn’t one hundred percent sugar. 

Christopher seems to have perked up a lot by the time they make their way to the toy store, rushing over to the aisle full of princess dolls as soon as they step inside. 

Buck feels a swell of what can only be described as parental adoration as he looks down at Christopher whose eyes are wide, scanning over all of the different options available. He sees his gaze stop on a Sleeping Beauty doll.

The doll has long blond hair with fair skin but what stands out the most is the flowing, sparkly pink dress. Buck reaches for the doll and pulls it from the shelf, crouching down to Christopher’s height. 

“How about this one?” He says, turning it to face Chris, who suddenly looks more reserved than he did ten seconds ago. 

He mumbles something so quietly that Buck has a hard time hearing him, but he does and the words make his heart break.

“Your dad could never hate you, sweetheart! No matter what toys you want to play with!”

Christopher doesn’t seem convinced so Buck stands back up, reaching back onto the shelf to pick out two more dolls. “Here! How about I get one for him and one for me too? That way we can all play together next time we’re at your house.” 

Relief floods through Buck as Chris turns to him and hugs his legs, whispering a soft “thank you, Bucky” into his jeans. Blinking away tears, Buck cards his fingers through Chris’ hair making sure his voice is even before replying. 

“Of course, bud.”

They get back to Buck’s apartment just before dinner time. 

Buck places a pizza in the oven and turns back to find Christopher hovering near the shopping bags he’d placed on the kitchen island. 

Buck has an idea as to why he hasn’t taken his usual spot on the couch.

Chris is still too nervous to start playing with his new toys on his own so Buck picks up the bag and walks it over to the coffee table in front of the couch. He hears Christopher coming over to join him as he takes the dolls out of the bag and removes the packaging.

“Here you go, bud!” Buck says, handing each doll over to him when he’s situated himself on the couch. “You want me to put one of the movies on for you?”

Getting a nod and a small smile in response, Buck pops Finding Nemo into the DVD player and goes back to the kitchen to chop the salad to go with their pizza. By the time he has assembled the salad, the pizza is ready to be served and eaten.

Christopher keeps his dolls between him and Buck on the couch cushion, letting Buck know that it’s because he wants them to be able to watch his favourite movie with them both. Buck feels his heart soar at the openness of the admission, glad he could help him feel at ease about himself.

Eddie arrives to take Christopher home an hour after they finish their dinner. The knock on the door jolts Buck out of the imaginary world him and Chris have created on the living room floor. He jumps to his feet, runs to the door and opens it, being greeted by Eddie’s laugh.

“That was quick” he says as Buck moves out of the way to allow him into the apartment. Before Buck can reply, Chris shouts him from the living room. 

“Coming buddy!” 

Buck looks at Eddie. He looks more alert than he usually does after a shift, which Buck knows means their last call was probably very intense. Eddie gives him a soft smile, “You go ahead, I'm just gonna go to the bathroom.”

Buck nods before making his way back over to Chris. He sits himself back down next to him before asking “What’s up?” Buck thinks he knows what the problem is when he sees that Chris has pushed his dolls under the coffee table, out of sight.

“Can I keep my princesses here please? I don’t want daddy to know I got them.” Buck can hear from his voice and the look on his face that the nervousness from when they were at the store is back in full force.

“Oh, Chris. You don’t have to worry about what your dad’s going to say, buddy! Remember what I said at the mall? He’s not going to mind what toys you want to play with, just that you’re having fun!” Chris seems to take it all in and still looks uneasy. 

“Remember, we got him one too and he’s going to absolutely love it! I think we should give him the Belle one because of his brown hair. What do you think?” Chris seems deep in thought and then gives Buck a resolute nod just as Eddie appears from the bathroom.

Eddie seems to relax as soon as he sees Chris, his smile reaching his eyes as he asks him how his day was. 

Christopher excitedly starts reciting every detail about what had happened that day and doesn’t even stop to take a breath, until he gets to the part about what toys he got from the toy store.

Noticing his hesitation, Eddie glances at Buck with a questioning look on his face. Buck keeps his eyes on Christopher trying to convey to Eddie that he should let him carry on with his story. Thankfully, Eddie gets the message and injects enthusiasm into his voice as he says, “That sounds awesome! What toys did you get?”

Chris looks at Buck, his eyes wide and still filled with hesitation. Buck makes sure to give him the biggest smile he can muster which seems to be enough.

Christopher reaches under the table and scoops up his dolls, reaching his hands towards his dad so Eddie can see them. Eddie’s face lights up, his eyes starting to water as he crouches down next to Buck. 

“Wow! They’re lovely, kiddo! Guess what?” Christopher looks up to meet Eddie’s eyes, his own wide. “They remind me of the ones I used to play with when I was your age!” Buck turns his head to study Eddie’s face, trying to pick up on if he was telling the truth or if he was saying it to make his son feel more at ease.

Christopher all but yells “you had princesses?” As his eyes get even wider than before. 

“Well, they weren’t mine. They were your Aunt Sophia’s but I used to play with them when your abuelo was at work.” 

Buck feels a wave of affection wash over him as he watches Chris giggle and pull Eddie into a bone-crushing hug. 

Buck and Eddie spend half an hour listening to Christopher as he makes up a whole new story about the princesses, both of them chiming in as he goes. He decides that Buck and Eddie’s dolls are married and that his doll is their daughter. Buck tries not to let that narrative make his cheeks flush or think about what Eddie feels about the parts they’re playing.

Eddie has another early shift the next day so him and Christopher get ready to leave earlier than usual. 

Buck walks them to the door and crouches down in front of Chris, squeezing his arms around him as the boy whispers “thank you” into his chest.

Eddie stands in the front doorway and Buck can feel his eyes on him as he stands up and watches Chris start to leave through it.

Buck doesn’t have time to say anything before Eddie’s pulling him into his arms, whispering the same phrase that his son just did into his neck. Buck goes to pull away but Eddie just tightens his arms around him. 

*

Christopher and Eddie arrive at the same time the next morning.

Chris greets him with a hug and a “hey Buck”, a smile plastered on his face.

Eddie greets him with a hug too, pressing his face into his neck where Buck can feel his smile. 

Buck feels himself relax. 

Everyone’s okay.

**Author's Note:**

> a huge thank you to the buddie discord for cheerleading and kicking my ass into gear!
> 
> special thank you to [nilshki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nilshki) for betaing and helping me out with the title (another thing that’s not my forte) and also to [elisela](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elisela) and [firstdegreefangirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/firstdegreefangirl) for putting up with my yelling and self doubt!


End file.
